it's going to be hard....

and that's okay.

I woke up early this morning, after a late night to sit down and write out some thoughts. First to write out, thoughts for a graduation talk that I'll deliver in about 2.5 hours. This isn't a huge event, but the 8th grade graduation at our school - which is lower and middle school combined - and I was asked to represent the PTA and give a few words.

The principal said to keep it brief and short --- just like last years. However, last year I was given I think an hours notice. It went well, but I wish I had been able to choose my words, and so this year I've tried to put a little more thought into it. I was up looking at something online, and decided to click over to a site I've come to really enjoy - for the last few months but particularly the last few weeks. Power of Moms. I really am loving their site & this morning I clicked on an article that sang to my heart --- and to which I borrowed the above title and first line of the post. Click HERE to read this great (and short) talk.

This has been tricky as time seems to be a huge factor in this week (as all weeks). Where is time going to these days?! I need more and of course can't get more - and well, as some weeks go there is just more to be done in this week than really possible to do.

Some weeks are just completely crazy like that, aren't they?!

The children finish school next Tuesday - so it's our final wrap up of school, which means that the schedule becomes overflowing of events to attend, and it becomes almost greater and more intense than the Christmas season! Each year things get busier as the children get older and we have more to do for them ---- we've had piano recitals, dance performances, the end of a swimming program for Madeleine. There was the final Book Fair last week which is a big project I take on every few months at the school, and the day I needed to pack it up and do the financials was Madeleine's Field Day - the day to run to Costco and the beginning of this crazy week! Bryson's field day was yesterday when mixed in with the day came up a situation where parents didn't get into classes they wanted for next year here at the school - this Department of Education seems to be a recurring thorn in the side for parents....watch out! There was news that a family will be leaving the school by choice because of some things they feel are important - and my heart sunk as I realized we were missing out on another great family, and selfishly I wondered how I would find someone to take that role in the PTA. Sigh. Then to a bigger sigh - I found out the teacher that is slated to teach Bryson's class next year - one of only 3 teachers we have that are Gifted & Talented certified - found another teaching job in the city. And I know that many other teachers wish that a job would blow their way and they could go for something new. There is just a lot going on. A lot. A lot.

Yesterday when I received the final news about the teacher - I was rushing to get the laundry sorted and downstairs before rushing out to make copies of some important papers. Oh yes - because let's not forget that our van that we keep out in Utah is not registered --- it expired in March, and although this isn't a huge problem for us as we don't get into town until July 19th - it's a problem for the family that I promised could use the van starting next Tuesday, June 28th when they start using our van in Utah and we start using their van in Oahu, Hawaii. So - atop all that is needed to pack for a trip for 3 weeks and a longer trip out to Utah for the summer - I was in the process of working with my mom to sell her our van so that can she register it in her name, and we will still be able to use the van when we come out...because it will be legal. So, I needed to mail out important documents - that first needed to be copied than run to the post office. Loop back home to change the wash to the dryer and run back upstairs with items that need to be hung up to dry. Get lunch for Jacob and lots of water & head over to the school.

Oh wait - back up to when I got the news about the school. It was as if a huge weight came down to my shoulders. What am I supposed to do? I'm just a parent who wants what is best for her children? I'm just a parent that got involved in the PTA and somehow ended up signing up for President for next year - and somehow I and others thought this was a great idea! It is still a great idea - but at the moment I didn't think so. It just all felt so overwhelming.

I prayed to know what to do. I know I'm leaving things out of this story - not by intention, but because there is so much to remember and there are so many emotions going on. It's not as if I can solve all problems in the world - and definitely not in this situation. However, we have been made aware that there are some critical things that can happen this week - and I needed some strength to figure out how to get them done.

The day progressed and although it stayed busy and there was always the next thing to do or place to be....I felt at peace. Things are going to be okay - somehow. Even though it was stressful and stressing!....I know that to get worked up only makes life that much more crazy. And I get too crazed at those times!

A great reminder of this came at dinner as I was talking with the kids about their day. Madeleine pulled out a book we had gotten at the Book Fair - a little "passbook" which is like a yearbook of sorts to have her and her friends fill out and answer various questions. She posed - what would you rather have: Health, Wealth or Happiness.

I turned to look at her - she was just reading from her book but it was as if the question were posed right to me. Of course - happiness. Happiness is what gives all other situations hope. It makes it bearable. If I were to have bad health, but I had happiness - I could get through the situation, or two or three that was going on. As much as I would love wealth - society as proven by many examples that those that have wealth are not more likely to have happiness as a result. If anything, life seems to get complicated with extreme wealth and a shaky foundation where happiness is being sought out instead of at the bed rock of a person's life. How sad --- which as this is the opposite of happiness I stand by my first thought. I'd choose happiness.

And although the week is absolutely still crazy, and my stomach is in a few knots this morning with all that will happen in the next few hours, the day and still this week....I know that by choosing to be happy, letting go of the things that really aren't THAT important --- life moves on. And hard or easy - that is definitely okay. We will make it through one more week...and somehow although it seems impossible right now, situations at school, with the PTA and the knowledge that I need to pack up for the next 2 months and be on a plane Tuesday morning --- will work out. They may not be perfect, there will definitely be some adjustments to the plan, and there will be work to do in the weeks to come on things that just can't get finished up now.

But come what may - life will go on.

And that really does make me happy!

it's tradition....

Thinking about the bedding situation - I shouldn't be so surprised that we are testing out bedding and that I'm considering it's on loan....until I really make up my mind. 

I tend to do that with other purchases.  Big or small - there are just some things I don't want to commit to, until I know that I'm going to really love it and it's going to work for us. 

Example being - new camera.  I've asked for a new camera for....well, a long long time for the kind I have wanted.  I told Bryson it would be my present for every holiday and whatever this year if I could just get a camera!  And....he finally said yes.  And then he told me that it doesn't have to count for every present - but honestly, I'd rather it be this way....I like knowing that what I get is what I really want and will like. 

The problem with a camera - I didn't know what one I really wanted.  I've dreamed so long about having one, but I had no idea which kind to get.  I ended up at Costco getting groceries the Thursday night that Bryson's parents came in town, and I looked at the cameras.  And I asked about their return/exchange policy.  And I walked out with a camera....and a really big box that housed everything. 

And since then I've had fun trying out a few different shots.  I haven't had as much time as I had thought I would to read through the manual, watch the tutorial and really try it out.  However, I do know that I love taking pictures again with something bigger than an iphone, and although I don't know all the ins and outs - there are some great features on little Nikki (short for Nikon whatever version I got).  

The crepe post was one of the first group of photos I took - which was back last Saturday (the 5th) after we watched Bryson Jr.'s basketball practice, which I took pictures of as well, but I wanted to post these pictures of the boys. 

Bryson (Sr.) has been working really, really long hours lately.  I still need to catch up on the post about Virginia, but his intense work came back that week of President's Day when the kiddos had their Mid-Winter Break.  He worked all week - long hours.  we worked the following week - even longer hours.  He miraculously was able to get off some time while his parents were here....not like time off, but he worked what  we joke was a regular work schedule back in the day - he got off at 6pm that Friday and he was able to get off on Saturday and Sunday and do things with us, and even Monday night he was able to get off at 6:30pm and join us for Mary Poppins - although he did have to go back in the office for a wee bit after the show.  

This past week was more brutal than the past two weeks.  The last two nights, I finally had to go to bed around 1-1:30am as I was falling asleep waiting for him to come home....I think he said it was between 3 and 4am he got home....he honestly couldn't remember with last night he was so tired.  

Anyway - the point to this....the boys love when he walks through the door!  Today after church we dropped him off so he could do some things for a few hours and when he walked in the door the boys ran to him and did not stop talking to him or let him out of their sight for very long.  It's tradition to play and wrestle around with daddy and Jacob just couldn't get enough of daddy time tonight...

happy days are here again

I'm having a really great day today. I don't know if it's been the long winter, the small cramped apartment, living in a city that has lost its' luster in the day to day tasks, and the confusing school system....to mention a few things that drive me nuts here - but the last few months have been a struggle for my emotions.

Yesterday was a hard and good day. A day when you start to get down to the bottom of some emotions. Bryson and I read some things that made us discuss and open up. It felt great to allow myself to really think and talk. A smile came up. We laughed. We cried. We laughed some more. Life started to feel like it was climbing back to that "normal" point I keep referring to that I think is out there...somewhere! :)

Today was a better day even still. I have started to work out more than I have....in well, um too long to think about. Strange that I never worked out while we lived in Provo but that is when I lost all my weight - and it stayed off for those two years. We moved here and I technically was moving more than ever before...but the weight came on. With a vengeance.

In regards to working out, I have come to some really funny conclusions - I even know they are funny before I tell them to Bryson. Realizations that I should have figured out long ago....such as if I run faster I burn more calories. Seriously, it's so painfully obvious when I write it out that it makes me laugh at myself for this huge awakening I had last week while on the treadmill. Sometimes I am too naive...or just completely out of the loop!

We woke up this morning and after the busy weekend celebrating Madeleine's birthday - we've had very late mornings (as in yesterday we woke up at 9:15am with church starting at 10am,and today our goal was to wake up at 8:00am....so naturally we woke up at 9:30am....we are doing so totally great aren't we?!). We had brunch which finished around 11am, and Bryson was great to let me run down to the gym while he got ready to go into the office.....as it was one of those days when he had just a "few hours" of work, the miracle of it, he really only did stay there a few hours! A first I think ;) I had a great workout, where again I had some real "mind-blowing" revelations....for me. At least I am coming around, although I feel like I have missed out on some time that I should have been doing more to care for myself armed with this great information!

The kids and I then did some jobs around the house - which spruced things up and it was not so dusty and neglected...and it didn't take that long either. We really do have great helpers in the kiddos - they can be so great. Madeleine had two friends come over to play, while the boys took out Legos and Magnetix and spread them all over the living room carpet completely immersed in their imaginary play. It was amazing! I started to make dinner, as the Elders (missionaries) came to dinner - and I think my favorite part was when I served the salad and they both said that they haven't had a salad served to them in weeks and this looked and tasted like a fancy restaurant meal. Ahhh....that really made me happy. And actually it was one of the first times I didn't mind cooking a meal either - probably as the kids were all happily occupied and I'll admit I was occupied as well - I had on the Biggest Loser via Hulu on the laptop propped up on the kitchen counter to keep me company in the kitchen....and on track (meaning trying not to snitch while I was cooking!). I have never watched that show until a week ago, and I actually like it...probably the first and only reality show I've liked (wait, I do like SuperNanny)....but I find that I learn some new tid-bit on there each time. Go figure - watching other people work out is actually pushing me to want to do better myself.

Okay....the best part of the night came when Bryson bought us a car. Yes. He did. Fabulous husband is what he is.

We have talked about the option of getting a vehicle. I complain often enough how insanely hard it is to go shopping, and do anything with a car. Even though we rent a truck from some friends - we don't have it at our disposal all the time...we share on weekends, and some times I want to be able to walk out (okay walk out and then up to the parking garage!) and know that we have our own car waiting for us to use. Having a car here is a nicety. It's not something that you have to have. It can be expensive. However, he has picked up on my hints - outright (life is SO hard, the whining, the crying, the moping, etc.....I'm worse than the kids at times with how I absolutely do not want to take the subway anywhere!) - and the not-so obvious hints...which come to think of that, I'm not sure there are many of those....but thankfully on days when we don't have the truck available for our use and we want to go somewhere it's easy for us to both say..."oh, a car would have made that nice".

Although I know that I'm really the one that is going to benefit most from this. And I am so thankful that he was able to see it would really help my life out.

Bless his heart....happy days are here again.

AND - more happy to share. We are leaving tomorrow for a few days down in Virginia - our other home! The children have mid-winter break this week and are off the entire week, so I'm going to drive down with them tomorrow and stay with my sister-in-law and their family, and then hopefully if all goes as planned Bryson will take the train or bus and join us on Friday night and we'll all drive back up on Sunday evening.

I am so excited to get out of this city and have a change of pace! We are hoping for the time to head into the city and see a few of the sites that the children don't remember at all!....and to spend time letting the cousins play, for me to see a few old friends - and of course...the shopping. There are stores here, but they are a pain to get to, I pay for parking and the stores are just not the same as in other places....how I miss these little things in our life!

So....that is all. I just had to say I'm so, so, so happy today. And to share the reasons why - even if now they sound a tad superficial.

True happiness can still come from things that are a little superficial right?!